Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
