I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
