I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
