i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
