Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
