Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
