Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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