By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
