You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
