okay pat passed out under dana's car
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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