I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
