sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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