i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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