Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
