I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
