Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
