weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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