You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
