how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
