Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
