Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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