Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
