Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
false alarm. still invincible.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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