I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
