bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
