We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
