nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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