This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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