I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
