Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
