I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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