sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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