paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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