I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
