I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
