How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
