Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
