if you like me you must not know who I am
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
