haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
