piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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