Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
