he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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