i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
