Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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