I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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