Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
