Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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