So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
