why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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