I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
