you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
