we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
